Help

"I want a divorce", She said.

My jaw dropped.

"What did you say?"

"You heard me! I'm sick and tired of this."

"But, but..", I stammered, "Why?"

As she spoke to me in angry tones, my mind flashed back to three days prior. She had just finished up working from home and decided she wanted some apples, an item which she never picks up at the grocery store but at the Farmer's Market. It was getting late and they would be closed in an hour.

I hurriedly brushed my teeth. We rushed out the door. As we reached down the stairs and out the door from our apartment we saw the bus. We just missed it.

"I don't think I'm going anymore. It's 20 minutes to the next bus and the market closes in less than an hour", she said, looking very disappointed.

"Come on baby. We can make it there in fifteen minutes. I'm sure they haven't closed yet."

"Okay. Hold on. Maybe we should try and catch the bus on King."

"Okay", I said. And off we went talking, smiling, laughing.

We soon got to King but the only bus we saw was an express that didn't stop.

"Keep walking?", she asked.

"Yup", I said. "The traffic is moving slow anyway. We'll get there long before any bus would", I thought.

As usual, everything was a topic. Gym, vacation, school, food, the dog, the dog's enormous crap, everything.

As I thought we got there in a little under fifteen minutes.

"Okay baby, I am going to mail this letter and then meet you back at the seats in front of the food market." My phone was left at home charging so there would be no way to call her.

"Okay" She said, disappearing into the crowded mall.

I flashed back to the present in that instance. Was this really happening? I kept listening to her. I could see she was serious. I'd lost her. If not in body, then in soul, in mind, in love.

"You only think of you. You don't care about me. You're selfish."

"No, I can't lose you! I love you.", I begged.

"You don't know what it means to love. You've betrayed me. Pack your shit and leave."

Her words hit me like rubber bullets from a automatic weapon.

Again, my mind flashes away to three days prior. I had mailed the letter that day and was in good spirits. No one had been in line and the clerk wished me a good evening as I stepped out the door. "Now to get back to my baby.", I thought. I turned the corner to the farmer's market. No sign of her. I didn't hesitate. I went right in to her fave spot. The apples there were the best. They were so good that she swore she would never buy grocery store apples again. It was closed. I walked around the whole market. She wasn't there.

"Oh, shit. she must be pissed. I told her to come anyway when we missed that bus. And she's not outside. Oh, no!" I swallowed hard. "Okay, calm down. Maybe you missed her. Just sit here. Wait."

And that I did.

"You're dumb. You're an adult child. All I do is sacrifice and what do you do? NOTHING, NOTHING!"

The words carried me back to my present dilemma. I felt dumb. I felt like a child. I felt like nothing. What do I do? She doesn't believe in my love. Do I back away or fight for what I know to be the start of something special, something just putting down roots. I had to make her see this was a big mistake but how?

Three days ago, I had waited. I got worried. I had been there twenty four minutes. She must have gone home. She's gonna laugh at me for sitting here. NO phone. What do I do? Is she really gone? Check the grocery store. Good idea. Snap, she's not there. Shit. Shit. SHIT. Okay, Go home and call her with the intercom system. If she's home fine, if she isn't...

She wasn't there.

"Hello", I said as she answered.

"Are you kidding me?", she replied.

"You're not home?"

Dial tone....

As I sat there on the bed listening to her, a sea of regret washed over me. I was wrong. I had forgotten she had gone to buy doggie treats so that's why she wasn't there.

DUMB!

I had betrayed her. I had been disloyal. How do I recover from this. This feeble yet needed thing called trust was hard to keep alive much less resuscitate after something like this.

What next? What do I do?

Beginning of the end.

This is a true story. I am just asking anyone who may read this blog one question. I know I was wrong but would you give up my love because of this betrayal? I love her. I can't live without her. I can but I don't want to.