Help

"I want a divorce", She said.

My jaw dropped.

"What did you say?"

"You heard me! I'm sick and tired of this."

"But, but..", I stammered, "Why?"

As she spoke to me in angry tones, my mind flashed back to three days prior. She had just finished up working from home and decided she wanted some apples, an item which she never picks up at the grocery store but at the Farmer's Market. It was getting late and they would be closed in an hour.

I hurriedly brushed my teeth. We rushed out the door. As we reached down the stairs and out the door from our apartment we saw the bus. We just missed it.

"I don't think I'm going anymore. It's 20 minutes to the next bus and the market closes in less than an hour", she said, looking very disappointed.

"Come on baby. We can make it there in fifteen minutes. I'm sure they haven't closed yet."

"Okay. Hold on. Maybe we should try and catch the bus on King."

"Okay", I said. And off we went talking, smiling, laughing.

We soon got to King but the only bus we saw was an express that didn't stop.

"Keep walking?", she asked.

"Yup", I said. "The traffic is moving slow anyway. We'll get there long before any bus would", I thought.

As usual, everything was a topic. Gym, vacation, school, food, the dog, the dog's enormous crap, everything.

As I thought we got there in a little under fifteen minutes.

"Okay baby, I am going to mail this letter and then meet you back at the seats in front of the food market." My phone was left at home charging so there would be no way to call her.

"Okay" She said, disappearing into the crowded mall.

I flashed back to the present in that instance. Was this really happening? I kept listening to her. I could see she was serious. I'd lost her. If not in body, then in soul, in mind, in love.

"You only think of you. You don't care about me. You're selfish."

"No, I can't lose you! I love you.", I begged.

"You don't know what it means to love. You've betrayed me. Pack your shit and leave."

Her words hit me like rubber bullets from a automatic weapon.

Again, my mind flashes away to three days prior. I had mailed the letter that day and was in good spirits. No one had been in line and the clerk wished me a good evening as I stepped out the door. "Now to get back to my baby.", I thought. I turned the corner to the farmer's market. No sign of her. I didn't hesitate. I went right in to her fave spot. The apples there were the best. They were so good that she swore she would never buy grocery store apples again. It was closed. I walked around the whole market. She wasn't there.

"Oh, shit. she must be pissed. I told her to come anyway when we missed that bus. And she's not outside. Oh, no!" I swallowed hard. "Okay, calm down. Maybe you missed her. Just sit here. Wait."

And that I did.

"You're dumb. You're an adult child. All I do is sacrifice and what do you do? NOTHING, NOTHING!"

The words carried me back to my present dilemma. I felt dumb. I felt like a child. I felt like nothing. What do I do? She doesn't believe in my love. Do I back away or fight for what I know to be the start of something special, something just putting down roots. I had to make her see this was a big mistake but how?

Three days ago, I had waited. I got worried. I had been there twenty four minutes. She must have gone home. She's gonna laugh at me for sitting here. NO phone. What do I do? Is she really gone? Check the grocery store. Good idea. Snap, she's not there. Shit. Shit. SHIT. Okay, Go home and call her with the intercom system. If she's home fine, if she isn't...

She wasn't there.

"Hello", I said as she answered.

"Are you kidding me?", she replied.

"You're not home?"

Dial tone....

As I sat there on the bed listening to her, a sea of regret washed over me. I was wrong. I had forgotten she had gone to buy doggie treats so that's why she wasn't there.

DUMB!

I had betrayed her. I had been disloyal. How do I recover from this. This feeble yet needed thing called trust was hard to keep alive much less resuscitate after something like this.

What next? What do I do?

Beginning of the end.

This is a true story. I am just asking anyone who may read this blog one question. I know I was wrong but would you give up my love because of this betrayal? I love her. I can't live without her. I can but I don't want to.

By Chance

It wasnt by chance that we met. Each encounter I had with someone else, every experience I've had in my life, everything I've gone through has lead me to this moment. It's because of all this I know this is where I belong. There is no doubt in my mind that you are the one for me. If there is any doubt in your mind, give me the chance to prove I'm right. I hope and pray this chance turns into a lifetime of sharing good times and sticking close through the bad times.

It's not by chance I'm still here. Even through our growing pains, where communication was difficult and personal vendettas came ahead of our partnership, we are still together. This says so much that we can forgive and go again. So many don't understand the concept.

I don't want to drag this out but I'd like say that for this and so many other things, I love you.....more than you know.

Emotions

He kneeled in the tub and let the hot water beat his back. It brought seering heat to his back as it was hot water with no mixture of cold. He imagined the water beating through him and taking with it all the pain he felt, the confusion, the sadness, the anger. he wished they would all come out of him in black drops as if he had been scoured like a dirty pot. But that was just a wish. His reality was very different.

He got out the shower and seemed to forget where he was. Dripping, he walked towards the bed. Turning and flopping on the bed he looked up at the roof. Where did it all go wrong? He missed her. He missed what they had.   He made mistakes. Mistakes that didn't have any room for forgiveness.  He made the mistake of thinking she wasn't a jealous person breaking his lifetime saying that all women are jealous.

He was found guilty of choosing another over the one he loved. Circumstances lead to this and he was convicted of his crime through separation of heart strings from his beloved.  His body had started to dry but his face was wet. He knew she was gone. He knew even if she came back it would never be the same.

The alarm went off. He had an hour to get to work. He took a deep breath and dragged on his clothes. Being front line in a store didn't give any room for frowns or blank expressions even.  He would be back in twelve hours to sit again in his pity.

Inspired

Inspired to write
Inspired to put down what I feel
Inspired to tell you I love you
Inspired to be better because i know you
I want to be better
Inspired to just do it (whatever it is)
Inspired to make you smile a bit longer
I'm listening to music, inspired by thoughts of you
Inspired to shout your name even though I see you every day
I'm just as inspired as i was the first time i saw you
Inspired to make a difference, every positive thing done will make the future better
Our future.
No matter what happens in my life whether good or bad, I'll grit my teeth. I'll stand strong.
Just hold my hand and I'll remain inspired.
I hope I inspire you too.

Wouldn't It Be Great

He checked his watch. It was approaching midnight but the temperature felt warm like the sun had yet to set. A cool breeze that puts a smile on your face on those hot summer days came without any warning. It made his short walk from his car to the restaurant that  much better.  He had done this before. Well, not exactly.  The elements had always changed but the thrill of it didn't.  Three years to this date he and his girlfriend, now his wife, had started a tradition.  This tradition was carried out two times a year and involved them being someone else. Yes, they would role play that they were different people in different circumstances. To keep it from being something that seemed planned and took away from the spontaneity they would take turns deciding on the scenario. A scenario which would be presented to one another starting with the words, "Wouldn't it be great..."

Three days before he had received the letter in the mail in a brown envelope with only name on the front in old English letters. It started :

"Wouldn't it be great if you ran into someone at the Great Tap House of London Restaurant at the bar and immediately desire to carry her to the nearest hotel and have your way with her?   This after having some red wine, chatting and complimenting her on her fabulous red dress? I think it would be. It would be even better if they met an hour before the bar closed. A little conversation...but not too much."

A grin came across his face as he remembered the lines. She was always creative with her letters. As he entered the building he noticed anticipation just like the first time he ever did it brought flashes of past encounters with it.  Fixing his tie, he ordered a martini.  As he sat there, out of the corner of his eye, he glimpsed something red. he spun on his stool.

" Hi there."

"Hello"

"My name is Emerson. And you are?"

"Aren't you going to ask me to sit down first?"

"I'm sorry. I was just overtaken by your beautiful smile, and gorgeous red dress." She smiled even wider.

"What would you like to drink? Red wine would be my best guess."

Three years and counting. Wouldn't it be great? He knew it was. He knew it was great!

Answers to the Questions 1

He stepped off the bus looking left to right as if he was lost.  He wasn't. This place had become familiar to him.  He knew where he was and where he was going. The only question was should he be going and was he welcomed? He did not know hence his hesitation after his long bus ride. The opportunity to turn back was leaving in ten minutes.  The wind blew cold causing him to pull his jacket a little closer.  That hit of cold air seemed to help him decide. He started walking. Slowly. Steadily. He looked up at the bleak sky. There would be rain.

As he walked, the memories of the night before brought a tear to his eye.  A tear that would run down his face, the very same place it had made tracks the day before.  What would he say to her? Was their world crashing because of a misunderstanding? Would he lose the one he loved so much.  The things that were said echoed in his mind. What she had said about him, were they true? Was he really just like every other man?  He struggled to understand. He struggled to accept his new reality while trying to justify his future. The future that might actually be without her. The future he would have to face in a few minutes.  Every step brought him closer to her apartment door.

The rain started to come down but it did nothing to hasten his footsteps.  His mind had gone back in time to the place when he fell in love with her. A place where their transition from friendship to intimacy, from smiles and friendly hellos to kisses and words filled with the emotions of love had taken three months, three months that felt like three years. This was not typical and just was not playing by the rules. Could she be the one?

He had been hurt before and the issue they faced was something he had to deal with on many occasions.  He felt lost. He was the only common factor. The only factor between these different females.   Was he meant to be alone even though he felt he had something to offer. Was he just not cut out for a lifetime shared with that one person to make each other happy?

The rain started coming harder but his stride stayed steady. He could see her light on.  She wasn't expecting him.  Or was she?  He took a deep breath. She meant a lot to him and they had promised each other that no matter what they could talk. He found peace in that.  Who said there wouldn't be bad times? No one is perfect. "Doesn't it come down to what we mean to each other in the end?", he thought.  For the first time in two days he smiled.  He knew they could work it out. He had gotten on the elevator. Four floors to go.  He wouldn't give up on what they had. It was truly special.  The fact that he found himself there in his state of confusion meant something. One thing was clear, he was heading to the right place.

One way or the other it had to be resolved tonight. For his peace of mind it had to be. He would put his weaknesses on the table and hopefully she would do the same and from that they would both draw strength.  He stood at the door. He had his keys. He stood frozen for a minute. Was he really ready?  The door stood between his questions and his answers. He turned the key.  The door creaked open.....