Confused

"I'm leaving you. It's over." 

His heart came to lodge in his throat as it pounded in hard beats. 

Why? Why?

Just three days ago they had been so happy he thought. If she wasn't happy why was she laughing, smiling, holding his hand. 

"There is no spark there anymore."

He stood in disbelief which even days later still hadn't changed.  His mind ran wild with thoughts. Had she found someone? Was this a cruel trick?

She had left without saying much. Left with so many questions unanswered. She said she would call him and she wouldn't answer if he tried.

Why?

He didn't know what to do or think. With all these crazy ideas running through his head and his soul torn to bits by the loss of his love, his true love, his one love, all he was sure of is that he's .....

CONFUSED

Image by http://heroinjunkie.blogspot.ca/2011/12/letter-to-me.html

By Chance

It wasnt by chance that we met. Each encounter I had with someone else, every experience I've had in my life, everything I've gone through has lead me to this moment. It's because of all this I know this is where I belong. There is no doubt in my mind that you are the one for me. If there is any doubt in your mind, give me the chance to prove I'm right. I hope and pray this chance turns into a lifetime of sharing good times and sticking close through the bad times.

It's not by chance I'm still here. Even through our growing pains, where communication was difficult and personal vendettas came ahead of our partnership, we are still together. This says so much that we can forgive and go again. So many don't understand the concept.

I don't want to drag this out but I'd like say that for this and so many other things, I love you.....more than you know.

Emotions

He kneeled in the tub and let the hot water beat his back. It brought seering heat to his back as it was hot water with no mixture of cold. He imagined the water beating through him and taking with it all the pain he felt, the confusion, the sadness, the anger. he wished they would all come out of him in black drops as if he had been scoured like a dirty pot. But that was just a wish. His reality was very different.

He got out the shower and seemed to forget where he was. Dripping, he walked towards the bed. Turning and flopping on the bed he looked up at the roof. Where did it all go wrong? He missed her. He missed what they had.   He made mistakes. Mistakes that didn't have any room for forgiveness.  He made the mistake of thinking she wasn't a jealous person breaking his lifetime saying that all women are jealous.

He was found guilty of choosing another over the one he loved. Circumstances lead to this and he was convicted of his crime through separation of heart strings from his beloved.  His body had started to dry but his face was wet. He knew she was gone. He knew even if she came back it would never be the same.

The alarm went off. He had an hour to get to work. He took a deep breath and dragged on his clothes. Being front line in a store didn't give any room for frowns or blank expressions even.  He would be back in twelve hours to sit again in his pity.

Wouldn't It Be Great

He checked his watch. It was approaching midnight but the temperature felt warm like the sun had yet to set. A cool breeze that puts a smile on your face on those hot summer days came without any warning. It made his short walk from his car to the restaurant that  much better.  He had done this before. Well, not exactly.  The elements had always changed but the thrill of it didn't.  Three years to this date he and his girlfriend, now his wife, had started a tradition.  This tradition was carried out two times a year and involved them being someone else. Yes, they would role play that they were different people in different circumstances. To keep it from being something that seemed planned and took away from the spontaneity they would take turns deciding on the scenario. A scenario which would be presented to one another starting with the words, "Wouldn't it be great..."

Three days before he had received the letter in the mail in a brown envelope with only name on the front in old English letters. It started :

"Wouldn't it be great if you ran into someone at the Great Tap House of London Restaurant at the bar and immediately desire to carry her to the nearest hotel and have your way with her?   This after having some red wine, chatting and complimenting her on her fabulous red dress? I think it would be. It would be even better if they met an hour before the bar closed. A little conversation...but not too much."

A grin came across his face as he remembered the lines. She was always creative with her letters. As he entered the building he noticed anticipation just like the first time he ever did it brought flashes of past encounters with it.  Fixing his tie, he ordered a martini.  As he sat there, out of the corner of his eye, he glimpsed something red. he spun on his stool.

" Hi there."

"Hello"

"My name is Emerson. And you are?"

"Aren't you going to ask me to sit down first?"

"I'm sorry. I was just overtaken by your beautiful smile, and gorgeous red dress." She smiled even wider.

"What would you like to drink? Red wine would be my best guess."

Three years and counting. Wouldn't it be great? He knew it was. He knew it was great!

Answers to the Questions 2

He left as he had come. In the rain. Cold. Confused. Unhappy. There was only one difference. He knew the answer. It was no. Things had spiraled out of control. From the time he had opened that door until the point of leaving the air had been filled with stifling tension. All conversations were defensive. There was no we addressed but me reigned supreme. Walls were put up that were insurmountable.

Handing back the key he avoided eye contact. His lips quivered uncontrollably. He forced his teeth to bite down keeping them still.  The last straw had broken the camel's back it seemed. As he walked back to the bus terminus, he ran through the months which had past. They had been almost perfect. The time they spent had been like a dream. Their relationship was void of bullshit. But misunderstood words and gestures and an inability to defuse the issue had been the death of this beautiful romance.

Just like before he blamed himself. Gritting his teeth he ran through the scenario in his mind and what he would have done differently.  What do women want he thought and what wasn't he getting? The rain had stopped and he had been soaked through and through.  It didn't matter. He didn't care. he wished he didn't have to leave. He was drawn in by her. That hadn't change. He still wanted her. He needed her. He loved her.

There was no point in trying to sort it out now.  Words had left them both. They had agreed to separate. In his mind, it had to be temporary. It had to be. He knew she was the one. He had been in relationships before. Many. None felt like this. None felt as good.  He could let down his guard around her.  No holding his breath or even adjusting his personality one bit was needed. They talked openly and he wanted that.  No, he needed that in his life.

He decided that he would choose not to let her go. He had made bad decisions in his life. He had ended relationships that were considered good.  He had to live with that. Hearts had been hurt including his. Words had been said that could not be taken back. Regrets that haunted him and had played tricks on his future decisions.  "My choices make me who I am and whether or not they were good or bad decisions I am who I am because of them", he thought. "I won't make the mistake of giving up on us without resistance.  I refuse to walk away from her without trying.  Some things are worth the struggle to preserve. My love may not be enough but whatever else is needed to cause her to realize I am for her in every way I will find it".

As the thought echoed in the farthest orifice of his mind a voice came over the intercom of the bus' arrival at his destination. His head was clear, at least clearer than he had been in days.  His resolution was clear. Get her to understand her value to him and show her that no matter how long it took he would be there for her. He would be faithful to them and their future. He just had to let her see they were beautiful together.  Fresh hope filled his heart, a new focus came to his mind and a smile to his face.