Help

"I want a divorce", She said.

My jaw dropped.

"What did you say?"

"You heard me! I'm sick and tired of this."

"But, but..", I stammered, "Why?"

As she spoke to me in angry tones, my mind flashed back to three days prior. She had just finished up working from home and decided she wanted some apples, an item which she never picks up at the grocery store but at the Farmer's Market. It was getting late and they would be closed in an hour.

I hurriedly brushed my teeth. We rushed out the door. As we reached down the stairs and out the door from our apartment we saw the bus. We just missed it.

"I don't think I'm going anymore. It's 20 minutes to the next bus and the market closes in less than an hour", she said, looking very disappointed.

"Come on baby. We can make it there in fifteen minutes. I'm sure they haven't closed yet."

"Okay. Hold on. Maybe we should try and catch the bus on King."

"Okay", I said. And off we went talking, smiling, laughing.

We soon got to King but the only bus we saw was an express that didn't stop.

"Keep walking?", she asked.

"Yup", I said. "The traffic is moving slow anyway. We'll get there long before any bus would", I thought.

As usual, everything was a topic. Gym, vacation, school, food, the dog, the dog's enormous crap, everything.

As I thought we got there in a little under fifteen minutes.

"Okay baby, I am going to mail this letter and then meet you back at the seats in front of the food market." My phone was left at home charging so there would be no way to call her.

"Okay" She said, disappearing into the crowded mall.

I flashed back to the present in that instance. Was this really happening? I kept listening to her. I could see she was serious. I'd lost her. If not in body, then in soul, in mind, in love.

"You only think of you. You don't care about me. You're selfish."

"No, I can't lose you! I love you.", I begged.

"You don't know what it means to love. You've betrayed me. Pack your shit and leave."

Her words hit me like rubber bullets from a automatic weapon.

Again, my mind flashes away to three days prior. I had mailed the letter that day and was in good spirits. No one had been in line and the clerk wished me a good evening as I stepped out the door. "Now to get back to my baby.", I thought. I turned the corner to the farmer's market. No sign of her. I didn't hesitate. I went right in to her fave spot. The apples there were the best. They were so good that she swore she would never buy grocery store apples again. It was closed. I walked around the whole market. She wasn't there.

"Oh, shit. she must be pissed. I told her to come anyway when we missed that bus. And she's not outside. Oh, no!" I swallowed hard. "Okay, calm down. Maybe you missed her. Just sit here. Wait."

And that I did.

"You're dumb. You're an adult child. All I do is sacrifice and what do you do? NOTHING, NOTHING!"

The words carried me back to my present dilemma. I felt dumb. I felt like a child. I felt like nothing. What do I do? She doesn't believe in my love. Do I back away or fight for what I know to be the start of something special, something just putting down roots. I had to make her see this was a big mistake but how?

Three days ago, I had waited. I got worried. I had been there twenty four minutes. She must have gone home. She's gonna laugh at me for sitting here. NO phone. What do I do? Is she really gone? Check the grocery store. Good idea. Snap, she's not there. Shit. Shit. SHIT. Okay, Go home and call her with the intercom system. If she's home fine, if she isn't...

She wasn't there.

"Hello", I said as she answered.

"Are you kidding me?", she replied.

"You're not home?"

Dial tone....

As I sat there on the bed listening to her, a sea of regret washed over me. I was wrong. I had forgotten she had gone to buy doggie treats so that's why she wasn't there.

DUMB!

I had betrayed her. I had been disloyal. How do I recover from this. This feeble yet needed thing called trust was hard to keep alive much less resuscitate after something like this.

What next? What do I do?

Beginning of the end.

This is a true story. I am just asking anyone who may read this blog one question. I know I was wrong but would you give up my love because of this betrayal? I love her. I can't live without her. I can but I don't want to.

Wouldn't It Be Great

He checked his watch. It was approaching midnight but the temperature felt warm like the sun had yet to set. A cool breeze that puts a smile on your face on those hot summer days came without any warning. It made his short walk from his car to the restaurant that  much better.  He had done this before. Well, not exactly.  The elements had always changed but the thrill of it didn't.  Three years to this date he and his girlfriend, now his wife, had started a tradition.  This tradition was carried out two times a year and involved them being someone else. Yes, they would role play that they were different people in different circumstances. To keep it from being something that seemed planned and took away from the spontaneity they would take turns deciding on the scenario. A scenario which would be presented to one another starting with the words, "Wouldn't it be great..."

Three days before he had received the letter in the mail in a brown envelope with only name on the front in old English letters. It started :

"Wouldn't it be great if you ran into someone at the Great Tap House of London Restaurant at the bar and immediately desire to carry her to the nearest hotel and have your way with her?   This after having some red wine, chatting and complimenting her on her fabulous red dress? I think it would be. It would be even better if they met an hour before the bar closed. A little conversation...but not too much."

A grin came across his face as he remembered the lines. She was always creative with her letters. As he entered the building he noticed anticipation just like the first time he ever did it brought flashes of past encounters with it.  Fixing his tie, he ordered a martini.  As he sat there, out of the corner of his eye, he glimpsed something red. he spun on his stool.

" Hi there."

"Hello"

"My name is Emerson. And you are?"

"Aren't you going to ask me to sit down first?"

"I'm sorry. I was just overtaken by your beautiful smile, and gorgeous red dress." She smiled even wider.

"What would you like to drink? Red wine would be my best guess."

Three years and counting. Wouldn't it be great? He knew it was. He knew it was great!

Answers to the Questions 2

He left as he had come. In the rain. Cold. Confused. Unhappy. There was only one difference. He knew the answer. It was no. Things had spiraled out of control. From the time he had opened that door until the point of leaving the air had been filled with stifling tension. All conversations were defensive. There was no we addressed but me reigned supreme. Walls were put up that were insurmountable.

Handing back the key he avoided eye contact. His lips quivered uncontrollably. He forced his teeth to bite down keeping them still.  The last straw had broken the camel's back it seemed. As he walked back to the bus terminus, he ran through the months which had past. They had been almost perfect. The time they spent had been like a dream. Their relationship was void of bullshit. But misunderstood words and gestures and an inability to defuse the issue had been the death of this beautiful romance.

Just like before he blamed himself. Gritting his teeth he ran through the scenario in his mind and what he would have done differently.  What do women want he thought and what wasn't he getting? The rain had stopped and he had been soaked through and through.  It didn't matter. He didn't care. he wished he didn't have to leave. He was drawn in by her. That hadn't change. He still wanted her. He needed her. He loved her.

There was no point in trying to sort it out now.  Words had left them both. They had agreed to separate. In his mind, it had to be temporary. It had to be. He knew she was the one. He had been in relationships before. Many. None felt like this. None felt as good.  He could let down his guard around her.  No holding his breath or even adjusting his personality one bit was needed. They talked openly and he wanted that.  No, he needed that in his life.

He decided that he would choose not to let her go. He had made bad decisions in his life. He had ended relationships that were considered good.  He had to live with that. Hearts had been hurt including his. Words had been said that could not be taken back. Regrets that haunted him and had played tricks on his future decisions.  "My choices make me who I am and whether or not they were good or bad decisions I am who I am because of them", he thought. "I won't make the mistake of giving up on us without resistance.  I refuse to walk away from her without trying.  Some things are worth the struggle to preserve. My love may not be enough but whatever else is needed to cause her to realize I am for her in every way I will find it".

As the thought echoed in the farthest orifice of his mind a voice came over the intercom of the bus' arrival at his destination. His head was clear, at least clearer than he had been in days.  His resolution was clear. Get her to understand her value to him and show her that no matter how long it took he would be there for her. He would be faithful to them and their future. He just had to let her see they were beautiful together.  Fresh hope filled his heart, a new focus came to his mind and a smile to his face.