Being "comfortable" in a relationship

Let me paint a picture for you. You just started dating and you want to make the best impression possible. The three dates with the sane person have gone awesomely.  You decide to cook them a meal and make the evening a more intimate affair. 

The table is set and ready with the finest cutlery you own. The chicken is ready and the side dishes almost done. You buy the most expensive wine. You even went as far as vacuuming even though you did three days ago. 

Dinner is ready so you hurry to the bathroom to have a hot shower and put on some new fragrance that you went out of your way to buy.
Fast forward past the date. It went well. He or she was impressed and your mission is accomplished. Things continue to move along the same lines and you decide to become a couple. You are ecstatic.
Again move forward a year and you're still together.  Do you still do those special things you use to for him or her or are you now comfortable?
Don't get me wrong. Its okay to be comfortable. You found someone who you love and you feel empowered and more fulfilled with them in your life. When I say comfortable, I mean being so relaxed that you are in a relationship that you take for granted that a relationship is an organism that needs to be fed and cared for. 
People will stop doing those special things for their loved ones like in the scenario before. In my opinion, the things done at the beginning should be done right through a relationship. Giving gifts and things like that may change in complexity and taste but it should always be ongoing. 
Do you send your significant other a text message or buy an unexpected gift to let them know you're thinking about them? Sometimes all failing relationships need is a nudge. Just like a dog don't feed it and it will die.
In my experience I have missed the signs of this comfort many times. Why you say? Because it seemed we were both on the same page as far as being comfy. We both said we didn't want to go out or we both stopped doing things that drew us together in the first place.  No one was putting out an effort.  A relationship dies because people allow it even if they don't intentionally mean to. To sum it up never start taking each other for granted.

What are your thoughts on being comfortable?

                                 

Emotions

He kneeled in the tub and let the hot water beat his back. It brought seering heat to his back as it was hot water with no mixture of cold. He imagined the water beating through him and taking with it all the pain he felt, the confusion, the sadness, the anger. he wished they would all come out of him in black drops as if he had been scoured like a dirty pot. But that was just a wish. His reality was very different.

He got out the shower and seemed to forget where he was. Dripping, he walked towards the bed. Turning and flopping on the bed he looked up at the roof. Where did it all go wrong? He missed her. He missed what they had.   He made mistakes. Mistakes that didn't have any room for forgiveness.  He made the mistake of thinking she wasn't a jealous person breaking his lifetime saying that all women are jealous.

He was found guilty of choosing another over the one he loved. Circumstances lead to this and he was convicted of his crime through separation of heart strings from his beloved.  His body had started to dry but his face was wet. He knew she was gone. He knew even if she came back it would never be the same.

The alarm went off. He had an hour to get to work. He took a deep breath and dragged on his clothes. Being front line in a store didn't give any room for frowns or blank expressions even.  He would be back in twelve hours to sit again in his pity.

Wouldn't It Be Great

He checked his watch. It was approaching midnight but the temperature felt warm like the sun had yet to set. A cool breeze that puts a smile on your face on those hot summer days came without any warning. It made his short walk from his car to the restaurant that  much better.  He had done this before. Well, not exactly.  The elements had always changed but the thrill of it didn't.  Three years to this date he and his girlfriend, now his wife, had started a tradition.  This tradition was carried out two times a year and involved them being someone else. Yes, they would role play that they were different people in different circumstances. To keep it from being something that seemed planned and took away from the spontaneity they would take turns deciding on the scenario. A scenario which would be presented to one another starting with the words, "Wouldn't it be great..."

Three days before he had received the letter in the mail in a brown envelope with only name on the front in old English letters. It started :

"Wouldn't it be great if you ran into someone at the Great Tap House of London Restaurant at the bar and immediately desire to carry her to the nearest hotel and have your way with her?   This after having some red wine, chatting and complimenting her on her fabulous red dress? I think it would be. It would be even better if they met an hour before the bar closed. A little conversation...but not too much."

A grin came across his face as he remembered the lines. She was always creative with her letters. As he entered the building he noticed anticipation just like the first time he ever did it brought flashes of past encounters with it.  Fixing his tie, he ordered a martini.  As he sat there, out of the corner of his eye, he glimpsed something red. he spun on his stool.

" Hi there."

"Hello"

"My name is Emerson. And you are?"

"Aren't you going to ask me to sit down first?"

"I'm sorry. I was just overtaken by your beautiful smile, and gorgeous red dress." She smiled even wider.

"What would you like to drink? Red wine would be my best guess."

Three years and counting. Wouldn't it be great? He knew it was. He knew it was great!

Answers to the Questions 1

He stepped off the bus looking left to right as if he was lost.  He wasn't. This place had become familiar to him.  He knew where he was and where he was going. The only question was should he be going and was he welcomed? He did not know hence his hesitation after his long bus ride. The opportunity to turn back was leaving in ten minutes.  The wind blew cold causing him to pull his jacket a little closer.  That hit of cold air seemed to help him decide. He started walking. Slowly. Steadily. He looked up at the bleak sky. There would be rain.

As he walked, the memories of the night before brought a tear to his eye.  A tear that would run down his face, the very same place it had made tracks the day before.  What would he say to her? Was their world crashing because of a misunderstanding? Would he lose the one he loved so much.  The things that were said echoed in his mind. What she had said about him, were they true? Was he really just like every other man?  He struggled to understand. He struggled to accept his new reality while trying to justify his future. The future that might actually be without her. The future he would have to face in a few minutes.  Every step brought him closer to her apartment door.

The rain started to come down but it did nothing to hasten his footsteps.  His mind had gone back in time to the place when he fell in love with her. A place where their transition from friendship to intimacy, from smiles and friendly hellos to kisses and words filled with the emotions of love had taken three months, three months that felt like three years. This was not typical and just was not playing by the rules. Could she be the one?

He had been hurt before and the issue they faced was something he had to deal with on many occasions.  He felt lost. He was the only common factor. The only factor between these different females.   Was he meant to be alone even though he felt he had something to offer. Was he just not cut out for a lifetime shared with that one person to make each other happy?

The rain started coming harder but his stride stayed steady. He could see her light on.  She wasn't expecting him.  Or was she?  He took a deep breath. She meant a lot to him and they had promised each other that no matter what they could talk. He found peace in that.  Who said there wouldn't be bad times? No one is perfect. "Doesn't it come down to what we mean to each other in the end?", he thought.  For the first time in two days he smiled.  He knew they could work it out. He had gotten on the elevator. Four floors to go.  He wouldn't give up on what they had. It was truly special.  The fact that he found himself there in his state of confusion meant something. One thing was clear, he was heading to the right place.

One way or the other it had to be resolved tonight. For his peace of mind it had to be. He would put his weaknesses on the table and hopefully she would do the same and from that they would both draw strength.  He stood at the door. He had his keys. He stood frozen for a minute. Was he really ready?  The door stood between his questions and his answers. He turned the key.  The door creaked open.....

Daydreaming

I woke up to the warmth of her lips on the back of my neck. I smiled because I knew it was the start of a good day. The smell of coffee told me she had been up for a while. The sun peaked through the window as I rolled over excited to start the day we had planned. Even Einstein was running in circles from anticipation.

It was the middle of summer and we both had taken the day off to do nothing more than spend time together with our destination not set and the mandatory requirement of it being in wide open spaces. Some place where the only sounds other than our voices would come from the wind in the trees or Einstein barking at a squirrel.


As always, talks are both filled with laughter and serious issues. Conversations of plans to be intertwined in each others life as our hands were as we walked along the path. Even in moments of silence our sense of touch communicates our feelings. 
 
I cant help but stare at her from head to toe. I run my hand through her locks that protects a beautiful mind. I smile for the umpteenth time. I am happy. As the day slowly turns night, Einstein leads the way home. Time spent was good and I look forward to time away with her soon....

Inspired by my girlfriend.


Dog's name changed to protect the innocent